For many people, the word “discipline” has harsh connotations—of punishment, usually for children who misbehave.
The word actually has roots in Latin and Old French terms that meant to guide and inform. Discipline is meant to help children learn routine and manners for their own benefit.
Children with autism spectrum disorder benefit from discipline just as much, if not more so, than neurotypical children.
Below, we’ll break down key principles for disciplining autistic children and offer strategies to do so in a positive, affirming manner.
Discipline matters for autistic children for the same reasons it matters for neurotypical children. It helps them learn the expectations of living, working, and generally existing in public.
The ultimate purpose of disciplining a child is to teach them self-discipline and emotional regulation.
Because most autistic children thrive on routines and patterns, discipline is even more critical for their well-being. As you create structure for your autistic child, they will gain skills that support their independence.
Although every child benefits from effective discipline, the exact methods for your autistic child may deviate from accepted practices.
For instance, many children with autism spectrum disorder are unable to connect certain consequences, like time-outs, with the bad behavior itself. While reactive parenting can help some neurotypical children, autistic children heavily benefit from proactive expectation setting.
On the subject of time-outs, some autistic children prefer to be alone or in a low-sensory environment. Therefore, they may not view it as a punishment. Tailoring discipline to your child’s preferences and needs is always the best option.
The following pieces of advice are sure to create a solid framework for disciplining your autistic child in a healthy, effective manner. You know your child best, so filling in the gaps is up to you!
In many situations, children (both autistic and neurotypical) act out just to see how their parents respond. If the parents’ response is perceived as entertaining, the child will often keep doing the behavior.
When this happens, it’s best to ignore the behavior. No response is often the best response.
When children misbehave, they’re usually trying to say something they don’t have the right words for. Autistic children may yell or run around when they’re over-stimulated, for instance. Barking orders at them or yelling back can make those situations worse, which creates a vicious cycle.
Remember that you, as the adult, must model the behavior you want your child to exhibit. That requires a calm, even disposition—even when you feel like melting down.
Effective discipline involves praising your child for good behavior just as much as it involves doling out consequences for bad behavior. A simple “good job” when they share a toy with a playmate or “thank you for helping” after they pick up their toys can be quite beneficial.
After deciding upon a discipline strategy for your child, get their other guardians and adult helpers on board and stick to the regimen. Reacting differently to similar situations can cause your child to become stressed. It also prevents them from settling into routine and structure at home.
As you formulate your discipline framework for your child, it also helps to know strategies to avoid. Generally, you should refrain from the following:
One last thing to avoid: being too hard on yourself. You’re human, just like your child, and you won’t do everything perfectly. When you do something that’s unproductive, catch yourself early and apologize to your child, but do not dwell on your mistakes.
Disciplining autistic children is just one piece of the puzzle for their well-being. It’s most effective when other supports and services are doing their part. For many children in California, participating in the Self-Determination Program (SDP) is key to unlocking their potential and cultivating independence.
As helpful as SDP is for children with IDDs, it can also be a little overwhelming for participants and parents. NeuroNav’s independent facilitation services guide new participants through enrollment and ensure their needs remain the priority throughout the process.
We also help current SDP participants maintain critical services and supports. We’d love to speak with you over a consultation and explore how we can help your child get the most out of SDP.