Any parent knows that tantrums and meltdowns are common happenings for most young children. They’re certainly not exclusive to children with autism spectrum disorder and other neurodivergent individuals.
Autistic children can, however, have more frequent or intense meltdowns. Every child’s personality and preferences are slightly different, but we’ve gathered some information on how to calm down an autistic child that’s sure to be at least a little helpful.
It’s exceedingly common for parents, and even some childcare professionals, to use the terms meltdown and tantrum interchangeably. However, they are different responses to different situations.
In simple terms, a tantrum is a child’s response when things do not go their way. They might throw a tantrum when they do not persuade their parents or guardian to buy a toy during grocery shopping.
Tantrums are goal-directed and usually begin to dissipate in neurotypical children once they turn four or start refining their communication skills.
Conversely, a meltdown occurs when a child becomes over-stimulated, and their nervous system crashes. When this happens, children are unable to communicate their feelings. It’s nearly identical to the “fight, flight, or freeze” phenomenon that occurs when people are confronted with extreme stress.
Meltdowns are not done for show, as tantrums largely are. They’re involuntary, and effective communication is usually not possible. They happen more often for autistic children because autism spectrum disorder often causes sensory processing challenges.
Having your child melt down in a public place can be anxiety-inducing and a little bit embarrassing. Remaining calm and measured in your response is key to riding out the storm. After you’ve gathered yourself, use the following calming techniques to your advantage.
The first order of business if your child is having a meltdown (as opposed to a tantrum) is to take away the conditions that led to it in the first place. If loud noises have caused the nervous system to crash, for instance, take your child to a quiet place. Take away objects that your child may use to hurt themselves or others, if at all possible.
While your instinct may be to give in to your child’s demands during a tantrum, the best way to deal with a goal-oriented tantrum is to reinforce boundaries with a kind voice.
Most children, autistic or not, cannot be reasoned with during a tantrum, so you need to be direct and concise with your communication. It’s also best to ignore the unwanted behavior lest you get sucked into a screaming match.
Letting your child know that you understand their frustrations is important. They may not have the communication toolkit to express their feelings, so it’s helpful to do some of that for them. No matter what level of functioning your child has, they will crave empathy and understanding during tantrums and meltdowns.
Is it possible to avoid every tantrum or meltdown? No. Can you decrease the chances of them happening in the first place? Absolutely!
Acknowledging and accepting that you cannot control every aspect of the world for your child can be empowering. While you cannot go around to every person in a crowd and implore them to stop making noises, you can help your child reduce exposure to those noises by having noise-canceling headphones handy at all times, for instance.
Throw in some of your child’s favorite books or toys if feasible. Note that children probably shouldn’t be given objects if you’re worried they might use them for physical violence.
Most kids thrive when they have consistent schedules and understand the order of events each day. As best you can, make sure that your household wakes up, eats meals, takes naps, and bathes at the same intervals. When the time is getting close to bathe your child and they must stop playing, let them know at least several minutes in advance.
Children love to feel agency during the day, but they can get overwhelmed if they have too many choices. Autistic children can be especially vulnerable to that overwhelm.
Instead of saying, “What shirt would you like to wear today? Which pants? Okay, now let me know which socks you want to put on,” give your child a choice between two options. The more specifics they know about their choices, the better they can make one.
Ensuring your child has enough support in the important aspects of their lives helps them feel safe. It’s also vital for YOUR peace of mind.
If you don’t know which services your autistic child may be missing, these are good starting points:
Regional Centers facilitate funding for important services for those with intellectual or developmental disabilities (IDDs). The Self-Determination Program (SDP) is a new way of arranging those services that gives participants flexibility and puts them in charge of their future.
The only potential downside of SDP for many participants is the complexity of enrolling in the program and getting the most out of it. Through your Regional Center funding, you can hire what’s called an independent facilitator to help guide your loved one through the enrollment process.
NeuroNav helps new and existing participants monitor their programs over time to ensure they are getting what they need. We’ll be your trusted guide throughout your time in SDP.
Get in touch with our team to schedule your free consultation.