It’s a phrase that many families, caregivers, and professionals are likely to hear at some point: “I don’t know what I want.”
While it may sound like uncertainty or indecision, it often reflects something deeper. For many people with disabilities, identifying and expressing personal preferences isn’t always straightforward, and that’s okay.
Understanding why this happens is the first step toward offering meaningful support.
Preferences refer to the things a person likes, dislikes, or chooses—everything from favorite foods and activities to long-term goals and relationships. A personal preference might be as simple as choosing what to wear on a given day, or as complex as deciding where to live or work.
Developing preferences is a lifelong process. But for individuals with disabilities, that process may look different.
There are several reasons someone might have difficulty expressing their personal preferences. The following are some of the more common ones.
If a person hasn’t had many opportunities to make decisions, they may not yet have a clear sense of what they like. This is especially true for children with disabilities, but it can apply to anyone at any age.
When choices are routinely made for someone, it can take time to build confidence in making them independently.
Not everyone communicates in the same way. Someone’s preferred communication style—whether verbal, nonverbal, or supported—can impact how easily they express their wants and needs. Understanding communication preferences is key to unlocking meaningful self-expression.
Structured routines can provide comfort and predictability. However, when routines dominate daily life, there may be fewer opportunities to explore new options or discover new interests.
Some individuals might hesitate to express preferences because they worry about making mistakes or disappointing others. This can cause them to fall back on default responses like “I don’t know.”
Building an awareness of one’s personal preferences doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a gradual, supported process. Every small step matters.
Offering low-pressure decisions (like choosing between two snacks or activities) can help build confidence. Over time, these small moments lay the foundation for bigger decisions.
Sometimes preferences are expressed through actions rather than words. Pay attention to what someone gravitates toward, avoids, or spends time engaging in. These observations can act as an informal preference assessment.
Exposure matters. Trying new activities, environments, and routines can help uncover learning preferences, interests, and strengths that may not have been apparent before.
Visual aids, choice boards, or structured preference assessment tools can make decision-making more accessible. These can go hand in hand with options such as supported decision making (SDM).
These supports can also help individuals communicate their communication preferences more clearly.
Preferences aren’t fixed. It’s normal for them to evolve. Creating space for flexibility reinforces that it’s okay to try something new or change one’s mind.
As individuals gain a better understanding of what they like and value, those insights can inform meaningful personal goals, from choosing a hobby to pursuing employment or independent living.
When people are supported in identifying their personal preferences, decision-making becomes more authentic, self-directed, and empowering.
Saying “I don’t know what I want” isn’t a barrier—it’s an invitation to explore, to try, and to grow.
With the right support, patience, and opportunities, individuals can begin to better understand their own preferences, communicate their needs, and make decisions that reflect who they are.
If you live in California and are interested in having more choice and individualized support in the disability services you receive, the Self-Determination Program (SDP) may be an option for you. At NeuroNav, our independent facilitators work closely with individuals and families to support this journey.
Whether it’s helping with a preference assessment, identifying communication preferences, or connecting choices to meaningful goals, NeuroNav is here to help make self-determination more accessible, one decision at a time.
Schedule a consultation today and see how we can help you take the next steps.