Giving and getting consent is an important part of any relationship. It’s how we let others know how we want to be treated and show them that we care about their feelings. Still, consent isn’t always easy to spot.
Mastering how to approach consent with disabilities means understanding who can consent, when, and how. Let’s break down this sensitive subject so you can feel comfortable getting, giving, and recognizing consent in all your important relationships.
What is Consent?
Consent is an important part of keeping yourself and those around you safe, comfortable, and accountable. We all deserve to feel secure and in control of ourselves and our surroundings, and that’s why consent is key. It’s how we protect ourselves and set boundaries—letting people know what we do or don’t want.
The idea of consent can get complicated. Consent, or non-consent, might look different from one person to another. To keep things simple, remember the four C’s:
- Clear: Consent should be definite and unambiguous. Anything less than a definite “yes,” no matter how it's communicated, should not be taken as consent. A shrug, a “maybe,” or a non-reaction is not the same as consent.
- Continuous: When it comes to physical and sexual activities, consent isn’t something that happens only once at the start. People can change their minds at any time during an activity or event, even if they’ve already said “yes.”
- Conscious: The person giving consent needs to know what they are agreeing to. They must be awake and aware enough to agree to what’s happening.
- Coercion-free: A consenting person must be free to make decisions about their own safety and well-being without any outside pressures.
Types of Consent
Because consent happens between different people in a variety of situations, it doesn’t always happen in the same way. Here are the most common kinds of consent and what they might look or sound like:
- Verbal: Spoken consent should be direct and uncomplicated. “Yes,” “Definitely,” and “I’d like that” are clear, consenting answers.
- Non-Verbal: These are physical signals that convey a “yes” to a specific question or situation. Non-verbal consent can be a head nod, thumbs up, or other ways of communicating agreement or excitement without speaking.
- Active: This is explicit, unambiguous, and clear consent. It should be enthusiastic and straightforward, no matter how it is communicated. It is not avoidance or lack of a “no.”
- Implied: This is when a person does something to let you know how they feel about it. Implied consent can be someone opening their arms for a hug, extending their hand towards yours, or pursing their lips for a kiss. Implied consent isn’t always easy to judge, so it’s important to check in with your partner and look for active consent to avoid misunderstandings.
What does consent look or sound like?
Consent, or non-consent, can be communicated in many different ways. That’s why it’s so important to understand what consent is and is not.
Asking for consent shows that you respect another person’s autonomy, physically and emotionally. How you ask for, give, and receive consent will change depending on the person you’re with.
For physical intimacy, consent might sound like:
- “Is it okay if I hug you?”
- “Can I hold your hand?”
- “Are you comfortable with this?”
- “Do you want to have sex?”
Consent for emotional intimacy might come up as well. In those cases, it may involve questions like:
- “This might be emotionally upsetting. Are you okay with me talking about it?”
- “Can I tell you something personal?”
- “You seem upset. Do you want to talk about it?”
If you are confused by someone’s words or actions, it’s best to ask questions and get a clear answer about their feelings. It’s never a waste to check in and be sure of a situation. Your own and your partner’s comfort is worth it.
Can All People Consent at All Times?
Not everyone can always give consent. Because consent relies on someone’s awareness and understanding of a situation, there are times when it simply cannot happen. Someone who is unconscious, incapacitated, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol cannot consent to any kind of sexual activity.
Consent requires an understanding of what they are consenting to, an ability to communicate their feelings, and knowledge about what will happen if they say yes or no.
So, a person’s ability to consent relies on more than their age or ability—it usually depends on circumstances. When in doubt, remember the four C’s.
Consent-Related Concerns for Adults With Disabilities
Most people with disabilities are just as capable as neurotypical or non-disabled people to give and get consent. As long as they are knowledgeable and aware of what they are consenting to, an adult with a disability can make decisions about and for themselves.
It’s important to understand the ins and outs of consent as, unfortunately, people may try to take advantage of people with disabilities or disregard their feelings. They may not understand what consent looks like for a disabled person. It’s important to know how to keep yourself safe and advocate for your own comfort.
Know your rights and take the necessary steps to protect your health and safety. That might mean setting boundaries, speaking up, or making an extra effort to have your feelings heard.
Your body and mind are yours to care for, and only you get to decide who you share them with.
Learn More About Safe, Healthy Relationships with Disabilities
NeuroNav is committed to empowering adults with disabilities. Whether it’s through our independent facilitation services or helpful resources about navigating the ups and downs of life, we are here to give you the information and advice you need.
If you live in California, you may be eligible for the Self-Determination Program (SDP). The SDP can help you gain greater independence by making decisions about the services you receive.
See how NeuroNav can help you set and meet your goals for education, enrichment, and employment. Learn more by scheduling a consultation and take the next step in self-determination.
