Sex is everywhere, from TV shows and movies to books and music. It usually features neurotypical people, but what about people on the spectrum?
Conversations about adults with autism can get stuck on what people struggle with rather than what they can do. Sex is a natural part of life and can be an enjoyable, fulfilling aspect of a healthy relationship. For those interested, understanding your sexuality and knowing how to practice safe sex can be a wonderful way to express love, deepen relationships, and connect with your body.
Can Autistic People Have Sex?
Autism can impact many parts of your life, but it doesn’t affect sexual development. In fact, most young adults with autism express interest in having sexual experiences and romantic relationships.
Autistic people can absolutely have fulfilling and enjoyable sex lives. Neurodiversity does not mean that a person can’t have sex in a healthy, safe, empowering way. That being said, adults with autism might approach sex differently than neurotypical people.
Because autism is a spectrum, it affects people differently. What you need to have safe and enjoyable sex might not be the same for someone else. There are physical, emotional, and mental considerations that should go into any decision about sexual activity.
What do we mean when we say “sex?”
When someone talks about “sex,” they are often referring to vaginal, anal, or oral penetration, but sexual activities can cover a wide range of experiences.
Sexual behavior can include any physical contact that is intimate: romantic kissing, touching, and even masturbation are all sexual activities that someone might use to express attraction or affection.
Any two adults can participate in sexual acts, no matter their gender.
Why do people have sex?
There are lots of reasons people might want to have sex with each other. Some of these reasons include::
- To express sexuality or attraction to another person
- Deepen a connection with a partner
- To release sexual tension and relieve stress
- To have fun
- To conceive a baby
That being said, a healthy relationship does not need to include sexual activities, and sex drive varies from person to person.
Some people have no interest in sex or physical intimacy, and that is perfectly fine, too. Sex should never feel like something you “should” or “have to” do.
What Makes Sex Safe?
Safe sex happens when people feel respected, protected, heard, and secure in their space. Some important qualities of safe sex are:
- Communication: Understanding your partner’s feelings before, during, and after sex and being honest about your own in whatever way you can best express yourself.
- Respect: Listening to your partner’s wants, needs, concerns, or excitement. Your partner should also make you feel heard and understood.
- Consent: The ability to say “yes,” “no,” or to change your mind at any time.
- Protection: Birth control, condoms, or other tools that help protect against disease, infections, or unwanted pregnancy.
These are all features of a happy, healthy, and safe sex life. Everybody’s sexual experiences will be different, but nobody should ever feel like their comfort or safety is being ignored.
When should you have sex?
Sex is a private activity that should only take place with enthusiastic consent (a definite “yes,” not a “maybe” or “I guess so”).
There are no rules for how many dates you should go on or how long you should know someone before having sex. It’s something you can decide to do when and if you are comfortable, and only when both you and your partner are ready.
Having Safe Sex as an Autistic Person
Safe sex as an autistic person sometimes requires extra planning and consideration. If you are sensitive to sensory stimulation or have trouble expressing yourself, it’s important to be aware of your limits and communicate with your partner in a way that works for you.
It can be helpful to establish a “safe word” or an easy-to-recognize signal with your partner to let them know if or when you want them to stop doing something.
Because some people with autism experience touch, sight, sound, and smell more intensely, you might find yourself easily distracted or overstimulated. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you if you need to take a step back from a sexual experience.
Sex should be enjoyable. If you aren’t enjoying it, it’s okay to stop.
If you don’t have much experience with sex, you might need to try new things to figure out what you like and don’t like. Pay attention to how you feel in the moment and make note of what feels good, what you don’t like, and what interests you.
Sexual experiences allow us to connect with ourselves and others, to be in the moment, and to enjoy pleasurable feelings. Your body is yours to protect and care for, and only you can decide when and how to share it.
If you choose to have sex, do it with people who make you feel loved, respected, and safe to explore your sexuality.
Learn More About Resources for Adults With Autism
Overcoming social challenges and building healthy relationships can be tricky for anyone. With the right tools, you can navigate intimate and romantic relationships in a way that is comfortable for you.
NeuroNav is committed to providing helpful information, resources, and support so you can advocate for yourself and your unique needs.
If you live in California, you may be eligible for the Self-Determination Program. Learn more about our services and sign up for a free consultation today to see how NeuroNav can help you take steps toward a more independent future.
