The social expectations around friendship can be overwhelming, especially as an autistic adult. The misconception that there is only one way to make friends can make otherwise casual interactions feel scary. Coupled with communication differences, that stress can make it hard to reach out to others.
The good news is that building meaningful friendships doesn’t have to be difficult. Friendships come in many forms, and they don’t require you to change who you are. By remaining true to yourself, putting yourself out there, and utilizing connection-driven resources, you can build comfortable, authentic, and fulfilling friendships.
Why Making Friends as an Autistic Person Can Be Hard
If you’re having trouble making friends as an autistic adult, you aren’t alone. Though creating lasting friendships in adulthood can be difficult for neurotypical and neurodivergent people alike, navigating relationships as an autistic adult can pose unique barriers. Some of these include:
- Difficulty Interpreting Unspoken Rules & Expectations: Interactions are already complicated at face value, and get even more complicated when you consider the subtleties. It can be difficult for adults with autism to read and respond to these unspoken cues.
- Sensory Sensitivities: Some autistic adults’ sensory sensitivities can make social environments overwhelming.
- Past Experiences with Bullying, Exclusion, or Rejection: If you’ve had difficulty making friends in the past, it can be difficult to work up the courage to try again in the future.
- Social Exhaustion and Burnout: Some autistic adults get fatigued after long periods of social interaction, which can make immersion in social settings difficult.
It is important to remember that these barriers are not reflective of deficits in autistic communication. Research has shown that many of the aforementioned social difficulties are rooted in mutual misunderstandings between autistic and non-autistic people.
How Can Autistic Adults Make Friends? Places to Find Connection
Sometimes, friendships happen because you’re in the right place at the right time. Here are a few examples of places that may present opportunities for autistic adults to find community.
1. Hobby-Based Clubs and Interest Groups
Shared interests are the basis of many friendships. Joining clubs based on your interests can introduce you to like-minded individuals (and friends that you can share your hobbies with). Consider joining local clubs that pique your interest: book clubs, crafting groups, even Dungeons & Dragons campaigns!
2. Explore Neurodivergent Community Groups
Sometimes, it can be nice to have a friend who understands your lived experience. Joining autistic community groups, such as virtual support groups, local autism organizations, or peer-led groups for autistic adults, can introduce you to others who understand you.
3. Use Friendship-Focused Apps and Online Communities
Online friendships can be just as fulfilling as real-life ones, if not more. Also, text-based communication can feel much more approachable to some neurodivergent people.
Consider using neurodivergent-focused apps like Hiki, Synchrony, Diveri, and Kaboose, or joining conversations amongst the autistic community on Discord, Reddit, or Facebook.
4. Volunteer for Causes You Care About
Volunteer work is a great way to foster repeated contact with a like-minded community. Seek out opportunities to give back to local causes or organizations that speak to you, like animal shelters, libraries or museums.
More Tips for Making Friends as an Autistic Adult
Looking for more tips? Here are a few more tailored tips to help you make friends as an autistic adult.
- Look for Shared Interests First: Special interests can help you create lasting connections. Allow your friendships to form naturally around mutual likes (and dislikes).
- Quality over Quantity: Many autistic adults prefer a few trustworthy friendships to a bunch of surface-level friends. This is completely valid! Focus on building intimate friendships, not on the number of friends in your circle.
- Give Friendships Time to Develop: Close friendships don’t happen instantly; they take time and effort. Take friendships slowly, and dedicate time to getting to know the person you’re befriending.
- Honor Your Energy Levels: Don’t push yourself into burnout trying to keep up. Sustainable friendships require that you care for yourself, too! Take the time and space that you need to recharge between hangouts.
- Be Yourself: Don’t feel like you need to mask to be liked. A true friend will accept you for who you are.
Discover More Resources for Autistic Adults at NeuroNav
Though making friends as an autistic adult can be challenging, it is more than possible. Remember that there’s no “correct” way to make friends. Doing the things that you enjoy is one of the best ways to attract friends who share your interests, and being yourself is the best way to ensure that they’ll stick around.
Looking for more resources like this one? Check out NeuroNav’s blogs and webinars for resources by and for neurodivergent adults. Also, if you’re a California resident, NeuroNav’s independent facilitation services can be a great resource for support and community-building. Sign up for a free consultation to learn more about how NeuroNav can support you.
